Snippets of this and that: I was bored, so I spoofed my own CV...

Employment objectives:

To achieve suitable employment in an environment that pays good money and provides Lotus Elises as company cars.

Education achievements:

Bachelor of Engineering (Mechanical) at the [detail omitted], 2003 –2005
Graduated with Second Class Honours, Division A despite being a sloppy last minute rusher.

Experiences that taught me much:

[detail omitted] Restaurant, St Kilda, 2006
Waiting tables at a busy restaurant opened my eyes to some of the most irresponsible people in society. “What, no tips? Idiot!” is the kind of reaction they tend to provoke in the waiting community.

[detail omitted] Bangsar, Malaysia, 2006
Editing and proofreading an English translation of a Chinese language screenplay under a very tight schedule provided me with the experience of working and delivering under pressure despite the fact that my predecessor did a horrible job. One should always leave translation work to bad readers but ok writers, not excellent readers but bad writers.

Bachelor of Engineering final year project, 2005
Project title: [detail omitted]. I didn’t know how I got a high distinction for this. I mean, I know, but the way it came about was amazing.

Engineering department of a large water filtration and purification equipment company, Malaysia, 2003
An engineering internship gave me much valuable insight to working life in a corporate environment. It sucks.

Strengths and skills I am proud to possess:

Fast and self-motivated learner
Besides my education in engineering, I have acquired the following skills and knowledge on my own effort: English writing and editing skills, non-classical physics, pure mathematics, cosmology, digital photography and manipulation. I am currently working on my Chinese reading and writing skills.

1337 driving skills
Without the benefit of a racing school, I have learned to heel-and toe, double clutch and even shift gears without dipping the clutch. I also drive with left-foot braking in cars with automatic gearboxes while reserving the left foot for the clutch in manual cars. I’ve driven 65 different cars over the past 5 years.

Excellent English writing skills
Proven ability to edit and improve narrative, academic and technical articles. I am able to convey complicated concepts, such as the efficiency of an automotive engine, to non-expert readers. Also able to act and pretend like I can write very well despite obvious limitations.

Multilingual
Able to converse in English, 2 dialects of Chinese (Mandarin and Cantonese) and Malay/ Indonesian. Able to curse richly and imaginatively in English, 3 dialects of Chinese (Mandarin, Cantonese and Hokkien).

Interests and hobbies: