Sunday, July 09, 2006

描写文:乘电车记

电车转着弯时,轮子与铁道交擦,发出咿咿呀呀的吵声。

转进了车站,三扇车门齐开,外面只间黑暗。若干乘客下了车,在漆黑的夜景中消失了。

不久后,灯闪笛响警告了一会,自动门闭了起来。电车准备再出发了。

突然,车厢里大部分的灯灭了,而空调机也停止行动。明亮的车厢变成阴暗而平静的环境,乘客默默地注意情况。

车顶的电器嗒嗒响了几声,车里又有电流了。日光灯闪了闪着起,空调器又继续嗡嗡地吹风。乘客见了,安心地各自发呆,阅读,听音乐或玩手机。

电车开动了不超几寸,又出现问题。车灯再灭,紧急刹车猛然活激起来,暴烈地把车停住。

这重复了五六次,车厢时明时暗,动住不决,乘客开始不耐烦了。一个十五六岁的少年骂了几句粗话,催着电车快动。


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写这篇文章的目的是为了把自己的语文水准提高。如果发现有任何的错误、语病等,请读者指教。谢谢。


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3 Comments:

Blogger 小李飞刀 said...

"猛然活激"

我认为这句过后要再加个“起来",这应为 "激" 可以被当动词和形容词来用。加了一句“起来”,有划分(disambiguation)的功能, 读起来比较舒服。

5:46 pm, July 09, 2006  
Blogger Lao Chen said...

啊,知了.谢谢,谢谢.

9:42 pm, July 09, 2006  
Blogger sonia said...

Hehe.. I imagined that u wrote about that boy (becos he reminds u of urself. lol)..

The food shots cool weh~ But at the same time hor, quite erm, eeyer... They remind me of biology and watever else that examines cells. lol.....

The WC finals quite frus.. Both teams till now still trying to posses the ball but not getting chance to really score... But Italy looks like the stronger team. =P

So tired but i'm still watching the game... zzz

3:01 am, July 10, 2006  

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