Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Kiss (v 1.1)

Another attempt at microfiction. Again, please note that the "I" in the story refers to the narrator, not myself.



Susan's Kiss

by Tan Yee Wei

We had finished our long lunch when Michael ask me the question, “Susan, will you be available this Sunday night? The European Grand Prix will be on at 8.00.” Since meeting Mike, I had started taking a passing interest in what my brother calls the ‘F1 Circus’. It’s one thing watching a live telecast with two commentators, and another thing to have a third, interactive commentator that does not take commercial breaks.

“Will it be any good?” I asked him.
“Most probably. The Nürburgring has fast straights and slow curves strung together for overtaking opportunities, and some technically challenging curves thrown in for good measure. BAR-Honda will be back too.” He gave me a wink- I have an unexplained soft spot for Jenson Button, the promising and slightly cute BAR-Honda driver.
“I’ll trust your judgement. Should we have dinner before that?” I had initially allocated Sunday evening to clean up my manuscript for the editor, but that could wait a few hours.

“Dinner sounds nice. At my place? I try to make a nice meal,” Mike suggested.
“I’ll bring something. Ice-cream?”
“Ok. I’ll see you on Sunday evening then.”

Before we parted, I gave Michael a hug. On impulse, I tipped my toes- I was slightly, just slightly, shorter- and gave Mike a kiss on the lips. What was intended to be a quick peck was starting to turn into a much more engaging affair. As he opened his mouth slightly, a warm, humid, saliva-ish smell typical of oral cavities came to me senses. Immediately after that, a pungent and utterly repulsive odour of decaying vegetation attacked my olfactory nerves.

At once, I shut my mouth with a clap, retracted my face and shoved him away, “Ta ma de! Never brush teeth is it?”

Regaining my composure, I tried to mend the situation, “I’m sorry…slight over-reaction.”


Nothing spoils a good kiss faster than bad breath.

-315 words



Epilogue


The European Grand Prix turned out to be a surprisingly emotional event. At the closing stages of the race, race leader Kimi Raikkonen had an unbalanced tyre that caused his car to vibrate wildly, and blurred his vision. Even so, he managed to hang on to his speed, being only one second a lap slower than his nearest competitor Fernando Alonso.

By the last few laps, the tyre vibration had worsened to the stage where the suspension links (Mike says they are made of resin bonded carbon fibre) were visibly flexing like coconut trees in a storm. Kimi continued to push hard, as Fernando was catching up at a rate of one second per lap.

On Kimi’s last lap of the Nürburgring, his suspension failed from the excessive flexure. In an abrupt explosion of carbon fibre composite bits of front wing, suspension elements and miscellaneous aerodynamic elements, Kimi’s race ended.

I almost cried at the disappointment.



Feedback? Be as long-winded or brief as you see fit; as positive or negative as you wish. The more the merrier.

8 Comments:

Anonymous ah pink said...

LOL..I like the ta-ma-de bit!

3:54 pm, June 02, 2005  
Blogger 小李飞刀 said...

I didnt like this part:
“Ta ma de! Never brush teeth is it?” it somehow feels like the way a guy would curse, other than that its a good read...

4:37 pm, June 02, 2005  
Blogger shifty said...

but but ... aren't you the narrator? :)

6:31 pm, June 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wei, trying to 'yim sik' (hide colours) ah? Haha, jk :) Nice work though.. by the narrator.. ahem..

Alex

8:33 pm, June 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Wei,

I think it was generally well written. But some parts seems slightly excessive like during the kiss, maybe 3 description would do. Overdoing it seems a bit...unreal?:)

DC

6:42 am, June 03, 2005  
Blogger Lao Chen said...

Thanks for the feedback. I'll make some changes later.

6:47 pm, June 03, 2005  
Blogger Dr. Tan said...

As yuan harng said it, ta ma de seems to guyish. And don't you think the guy will take it all in a stride after Susan says that? No quarrels for the way she blew it? If so... probably they made up before the race

1:38 pm, June 05, 2005  
Blogger Dr. Tan said...

As yuan harng said it, ta ma de seems to guyish. And don't you think the guy will take it all in a stride after Susan says that? No quarrels for the way she blew it? If so... probably they made up before the race

1:38 pm, June 05, 2005  

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