Monday, May 30, 2005

Zhuk Cong Yup Si Fat

Zhuk chong yup si fat - catch a worm and put it up the anus (Cantonese); analogous to the phrase "shooting oneself in the foot"


I seem to be persistently creating confusion regarding my sexual orientation. Here is a list of potentially misleading things I’ve done over the past few months.

  • Experimented with nail buffing, and found that I liked the shine.

  • Used a cool pink colour scheme for my blog. (Pink will be back when blue goes off on a holiday)

  • Used the MSN nick “if only I had slimmer legs, I could sit with my legs crossed more elegantly”.

  • Wrote an ambiguous story about someone kissing a man, which could easily be misinterpreted as me kissing a man.

  • My nail buffing essay got published in The Voice (a biannual publication of the Melbourne University Overseas Student Union)

  • My nail buffing essay will be published in the International Engineering Student Society newsletter, entitled something like “Experiments of a (Genderly) Confused Mind”.


  • To hopefully convince you that I’m still reasonably sure of myself, here is a sample of porn. She’s not properly naked in the picture, to protect your innocent minds. You don’t want to know what sort of things lurks under those clothes between her legs. You really wouldn’t want to know.


    Wah, leng lui, please keep your clothes on.


    My silly nail polishing essay made it to publication. Twice over. With no effort on my part. A friend with tendrils reaching deep into the MUOSS power circle needed material for the magazine, and he approached me to print that thing. My housemate Adrian who has his own set of tentacles groping at the IESS’s own Kremlin was requested to write something for publication. Being busy/lazy/can’t be bothered, he forwarded my essay instead.



    End note:

    I actually thought it would be amusing if I put a picture of a muscular yet ‘cute’ man instead of that Japanese girl in that picture, and add another item to my list above. But then, it would create even more confusion. This time around, prudence ruled.

    6 Comments:

    Blogger sonia said...

    Hahaha.. I like the comment where u went "the "I" is not the same as Tan Yee Wei. Yee Wei is not homosexual".

    Nice lar, ur essay gets published. Ur name published in the mag. For ur 'memories of Uni life' diary mar. =P I wanted to submit something to Sunway Coll before.. but it happened at the wrong time, wrong place, bla bla bla. So sad. =P

    Btw, that girl's boobs quite big weh. Tak sangka. At least u attempt to put up a porn that LOOKS like porn. LoL. Dunno what I'm saying =P

    5:36 pm, May 30, 2005  
    Blogger shifty said...

    lol! i'm pretty sure you're a bloke. if anybody dare say otherwise, you can buff them to death. or send me over. haha!

    7:24 am, May 31, 2005  
    Blogger Dr. Tan said...

    Wei..naughty naughty.. looking at porn ehh?? Well.. does anyone know about SEXPO?? At least that'll set the stories of your sexual orientation right. Or is it just a cover up? Do they have lotsa porn book shops in Melbourne? My friend's there. Mind asking him to be a middleman and send some back??

    1:45 pm, May 31, 2005  
    Blogger 小李飞刀 said...

    K, you have earn my tentative trust on your sexual orientation... I will however not do any of the following: Have my back facing your front, Sleeping in same room, Picking up any dropped object that you would 'carelessly' drop in front of me...

    PS
    Just joking of course... dont take offense

    2:00 pm, May 31, 2005  
    Blogger Lao Chen said...

    Sonia:
    Those publications got small circulation numbers though. No kick leh...nothing like National Gerographic, Playboy or The Star. As you can see, i've gone mad. Just a bit.

    Yeah, the boobs in question seem to be bigger than average. I don't know what you are saying also; it is actually from some porn site :P

    ob!ique:
    Death by buffing seems a rather pleasant way to die. Yes, you're dead, but on the plus side, at least your nails are smooth-as-PET-bottles. Would save some costs associated with dressing up the deceased corpse too.

    tanyeehou:
    Its not a cover up. Got porn shops la, but i dont know if its moderate, lots, or overflowing. Ask your friend to buy for you lah...why do you need me in the picture. Anyway, its expensive. A friend asked me before. Then decided the price was too high. At any rate, you could ask someone in Hong Kong to get some past issues from those stalls in Temple Street. About HK$5 to HK$10 per issue if i'm not mistaken. And you can get Taiwan, Australia, North American editions of well known publications.

    yuanharng:
    Zhin chi bai...

    PS. no offence taken.

    3:22 pm, May 31, 2005  
    Blogger sonia said...

    LoL. The comment to YuanHarng so different. LoL!!

    I just wanted to say that u talk about porn like ur somewhat an expert. Hahaha.. That still doesn't necessarily prove ur sexual orientation or preference(s) though.

    haha.. Oklar, yee wei's a guy. *blinks* Really. *blinks* He is! *blink blink blink* =P

    11:54 am, June 01, 2005  

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