Saturday, January 14, 2006

Thumbelina: Vladimir the wanker

section n: Vladimir the wanker

One spring evening, as Thumbelina sat on a table outdoors painting the sunset, a frog watched her from behind some bushes. The frog had a son who had remained unmarried for two years already, and she was on the lookout for possible brides for him.

The frog thought Thumbelina would make a suitable bride, for she was indeed a very beautiful girl. The frog then hopped up the table, and grabbed Thumbelina, and quickly bounded away on her. Poor Thumbelina did not even have time to scream for help.

For several minutes, the frog held on to the struggling Thumbelina as they hopped away from the house at great speed, leaping easily over tree roots and across puddles of water. Had Thumbelina been invited for such a journey, she would surely have been excited and thrilled at the speed. However, she was kidnapped, and she was frightened.

They came to a stop at the edge of a quiet stream, and the frog called out to her son, “Vladimir, come here. I’ve found you a bride.”

From below the surface, her son Vladimir emerged at the water’s edge. He cast his large, bulging, black and yellow eyes at Thumbelina, and was immediately enchanted by her beauty. “She’s beautiful,” he said softly to nobody in particular. Thumbelina felt uncomfortable being stared at by those huge yellow eyes with black slits in the middle. Their gaze pierced her, as if they were assessing her merits like a shopper would estimate the worth of an item on the store shelf.

She stared back at the eyes, in an attempt to outstare Vladimir. She stared unblinkingly at the eyes, those ugly, monstrous eyes. Vladimir continued staring at her.

After a while, Thumbelina’s eyes began to dry, and she had to blink. She felt that she had lost the little staring contest with Vladimir, although in fact frogs do not engage in such activities. Little did she know that due to the shape of their eyelids, frogs cannot blink.

Vladimir continued staring at Thumbelina, gazing from top to bottom, then bottom to top. It was like he was looking for a flaw or defect in her before deciding what to do with her.

Finally, he made a decision. “I’ll take you as my bride.”
“No!” cried Thumbelina, “I don’t even know you.”
“We can get to know each other better after we get married,” suggested the frog, “I love you, do you know that?”
“You’re mad. How can someone fall in love in a minute?”
“You’re beautiful. That’s enough for me,” replied Vladimir, “some would say it’s love at first sight.”
“I’m still not marrying you,” Thumbelina crossed her little arms across her chest.
“It does not matter what you say or feel,” Vladimir said. “I’ll just put you on that leave while I prepare for the wedding.”

Without warning, Vladimir grasped Thumbelina and hopped into the water. He swam out to a floating lily pad, on which he left Thumbelina.

“Stay still, or you’ll fall into the water.” With that, Vladimir turned around and left to prepare for his upcoming wedding.


Just joking about the title. 'Vladimir the wanker' is not a very refined chapter name is it?

This is an experimental foray into fairy tales, hence the (attempt at) slightly simplified sentence structures. Section n-1 was even simpler, but I tired of it. It even started to look a little like those frightful Hardy Boys sentences.

Feedback of all sorts very, very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.