Friday, August 15, 2008

The prostitute, the monk and the man from Tianjin

Three travellers were travelling from between towns, one a prostitute, one a monk, and the other a Tianjin man [or insert member of specific race, nationality, profession, religion, political inclination, sexual preference or other discriminating factor. Examples of each would be: Aryan, Singaporean, lawyer, Jew, Democrat, straight man, Nikon user].

They approached a mountain pass, where a fearsome tiger was said to reside.

The prostitute proceed first, and soon enough the tiger made its appearance and was about to ravage the helpless prostitute when she convinced it otherwise.

“I'm a prostitute. My livelihood is to sleep with men. I'm dirty in all senses of moral integrity, purity of spirit and hygiene of my body. Eating me will bring you more harm than good.”

The tiger thought it to be good advice and decided not to eat the prostitute.

After waiting for a while, the monk thought it would be safe to proceed. Afterall, the tiger would have eaten the prostitute and thus not be hungry enough to threaten the monk's safety.

To his surprise, the tiger pounced.

“Didn't you eat the prostitute? Aren't you already full?” the monk ask.
To which the tiger replied, “no, she's dirty in all senses and it's not prudent to eat her. Literally or otherwise.”
The tiger was quite pleased with his pun, and winked a lewdly at the monk.

It then raised its paw to strike, and was about to defile the monk when the monk convinced the tiger otherwise.

“I'm a monk. I do not seek sensory or material pleasures, and thus I eat as only much as needed for sustenance. See, I'm not much more than a leathery bag of bones - quite an unsatisfactory meal I'd say. Do let me go unharmed, after all harming me will not do you much good.”

The tiger thought this reasonable, and allowed the monk to pass safely.

A decent interval after the monk proceeded, the Tianjin man decided that it would be safe to proceed. After all, the tiger would have feasted on both the prostitute and the monk, if it was indeed hungry.

There was a rustle in the bushes, and the orange and black animal leapt out in anticipation of a meal. Startled, the Tianjin man asked, “haven't you ate the monk and the prostitute?”

And the tiger replied, “no, the monk is not concerned with sensory pleasures and thus he doesn't eat enough. He's nothing but skin and bones.”

“As for the prostitute, she's a dirty, dirty girl. It would not be wise to eat her,” the tiger explained. This time it was rather pleased with its doubled double entendre, and made a lecherous face at the Tianjin man.

Returning back to business, the tiger was about to maul the Tianjin man when he spoke to convince the tiger otherwise.

“I don't think you'd want to eat me. The monk and the prostitute are my parents.”